We’ve all had those moments in life when we wanted something so badly that we could taste it, feel it, or hear it. You know what I’m talking about. It could be the girl of your dreams, the car of your dreams, or just the dream job you’ve always wanted. One thing is for sure, we’ve all been there.
When it comes to really wanting things, the word that comes to mind is “desperation.”
From my experience, nothing takes a goal away from you more than despair.
It’s kind of funny though that some schools of thought equate being desperate for a goal, or wanting it so badly, is showing the universe or God how serious you are about that goal or objective.
I personally do not think so. In my experience, wanting something so badly or being desperate for it only leads to making the wrong decisions. You are not making decisions from the flow, or from joy or gratitude. No way! When you are in a state of despair, you are almost on the verge of feeling hopeless or giving up completely (in a negative sense).
Here is my friend’s account of his experiences after leaving college when he was in desperate need of money and support, and how he overcomes challenges using the power of letting go:
“I was so desperate for money once that I almost walked into a money laundering ring. The circumstances were interesting when I look back. It’s almost as if some force was driving me to make the wrong decisions out of financial desperation. Let me delve into the details.
My girlfriend of four years at the time had broken up with me, saying she needed ‘space’ at first, without giving an obvious reason. When I look back, that was to shield me from the fact that she had met someone else who suited her material needs at the time. Keep in mind that we were both college students at the time.
So one month turned into three months, and then he started telling me that he had started dating again, hinting that I should start seeing other people. I told him not to worry as I’m in the process of looking for a job so I’ll put that on the back burner.
I was a pretty decent guy at the time, I didn’t care much about money and material things. My main concerns were to keep my mind, body, and spirit active and positively engaged in beneficial activities.
What led me to the ‘dark side’ was the call I received that fateful day from my then-girlfriend who just wanted ‘space’. She called me explaining that she is going to send me some pictures of her here with a new hairstyle. I was cool, because I knew I liked her short haircuts. So she emailed me the photos and I saw her in this car; it was a really sexy convertible beetle. I thought it was one of her girlfriends, so I said “you look hot in that car. Which girlfriend of yours got this beauty from her father’s rich of hers?” I said jokingly. So she dropped the bomb on me. She told me, “This is the car of a guy I’m currently dating. She runs a successful business and is in her late thirties.” I was speechless.
Please note that we are both students. Any money I earned from my side jobs, I shared with this girl, because she loved her. I was a few months away from graduation and was actively looking for a job.
When he said those words to me, I felt like I was stabbed in the back. What added salt to her wound was that she considered him a ‘good man’ and that I should be happy for her, with her new ‘friend of hers’ of hers. I was angry and started yelling on the phone and then hung up.
Thus began level one of despair and depression. I couldn’t sleep for two nights because my blood was boiling. So I came to terms with the fact that she moved on. The only strange thing though is that she wanted to keep in touch with me, which I was totally against. I was fine with it for a few months, then around December things got worse.
I got an innocent text at first saying “Hello, what are you doing this Christmas break?” I was like “nothing, just creepy. What about you?” Boy did I open up a world of emotional pain for myself by asking that innocent question. She proceeded to tell me how she’s going to her new boyfriend’s parents’ house in the country over Christmas break so he can introduce her to her family.
Keep in mind that we were together for four years, whereas it was only four months when she met this guy.”
Enter level two despair.
Desperation level two is interesting, as you want quick money, along with a desire for revenge and greed.
“So here I was, desperate for cash, and also out for revenge, to prove that I can get the money too, because, as my ex-girlfriend had shown, material wealth was her weakness, and I was on the right track.” scarcity side of wealth scale.
Now I was on a mission to make quick money in the shortest amount of time possible and show my ex that I too could be materially successful. Terrible combination! If I had accepted the fact that my ego was bruised and emotionally scarred, I would have gotten over it faster. But apparently life had other plans for me.”
Letting go of wanting to control the outcome of a situation may be the hardest thing to do, but with persistence, you will succeed.
“I started dating the wrong people, getting involved in shady financial activities and considering money laundering. I just wanted it all, the money, the cars, the women. The promise of big money in your bank account for just being An intermediary is very tempting, especially if you are a broke student who just finished college and need a job to pay your bills.
It was only after my second thwarted shady financial transaction that I realized it wasn’t meant to be this way and I should walk away.
I heard stories about divine intervention but never experienced such until one day I felt extremely depressed, penniless, ego and heart hurt.
I was walking across the street feeling down, when suddenly the words rang clear in my head: “You are not a loser. You were meant to succeed. All is not lost.” It felt like the scene in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, where Frodo collapses after fighting Gollum for the ring, outside Shelob’s lair. Frodo collapses, only for Lady Galadriel of the Wood Elves to lend him a hand and whisper words of encouragement.
There was more, but I was so inspired that I took another turn in my life for the better.
I ended all communication with my then ex-girlfriend, who seemed to be taking some kind of twisted pleasure from rubbing in my face all the things her new boyfriend did for her, which I couldn’t due to the cost involved. In the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus Christ said “Forgive your enemies 77 x 7” and “turn the other cheek”. I do that, but I go a step further, I forgive, but instead of forgetting, I remember, I make a mental note and throw it into the experience.
I began to accept my financial and relationship situations, and I stopped wanting to control the outcomes of my life with respect to the goals I set out to achieve. I started investing in self-help courses, like the Sedona Method, I started doing meditation and EFT tapping.
They really helped, and I continue to practice them to this day.
Going back to my story, after I started the process of accepting and letting go, I started dating and dating again, and had relationships with three other beautiful young women. I must emphasize that this would not have been the case if he had been desperate for a relationship. It’s funny because the opposite was true. I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all. I was just out for fun.
Regarding my physique, I started exercising more and was in a better place of physical health. I received frequent compliments on my physique and how good I looked. Once again, I show that I was not looking to be a sexy stud. I was only working out because it made me feel more alive, and the gym was a perfect escape for me from my dead-end job and horrible living conditions.
Now, regarding the financial aspects of my life, the situation was a bit tricky; He was caught between a rock and a hard place. What I mean is that it was hard for me not to want more money when the money was exactly what I needed to pay the rent, the transportation costs and buy food. So that was really a dilemma for me. I wrestled with it for a while, then gave up, never letting go of my desire to control my financial future.
Understand that wanting control and actually being in control are two different things.
I struggled financially for 3 more months until I decided to move back to my parents’ house from the city. My focus was on full rehab then. But an interesting thing happened: while I was at home, I received two job offers. Once again, I want to emphasize that I did not want a job at the time. I gave myself six months to reorganize myself and the job offer came when I wasn’t considering getting one.”
Thus ends my friend’s story. I got a lot of insight from that account, and I hope you, the reader, get some valuable insight.
Hence my point that desperately wanting something, compared to wanting it and then letting go of that desire, seems, in my experience, to push the object of your desire even further away from you.
What is it that you currently so desperately want that the idea of letting go will seem irresponsible to you? Is it a better race? Is it more money to pay off your overwhelming debt? Is it a partner you long for to feel less alone?
Whatever it is, think 5 years into the future. Imagine yourself having achieved that goal. Now imagine that you are that future self. What would you say to your struggling self right now? Would you tell yourself that you must continue to be desperate and needy and eager for your goal or desire? Or, as your future self, would you tell your struggling self to just relax and take life one day at a time, because eventually you will achieve your goal?
The thing about goals is that sometimes we worry too much, or we let anxiety or peer pressure get the best of us. The goal may not manifest when we want it to, but it will manifest. One has to be patient first with oneself, then with the universe.
Letting go of your own expectations is the key. This should not be confused with not taking action. Take the right action, like setting up your dream board, doing your daily visualization, saying your affirmations, meditating, praying, whatever it takes to keep you in that positive frame of mind. But you also need to let go of the attachment to the expected result, because other miracles can manifest in your journey to achieve your goal, which you may not notice since you are so obsessed with that particular goal and your limited perception of its result. .
So, take a deep breath, relax, and practice letting go of your expectations in order to speed up the manifestation of your goal or vision, or something even better.
There are many courses out there that make the acceptance and letting go processes easier. Some of the daily techniques I use are from the Sedona Method and the Wildlife System.