Sometimes I hear of women dealing with a double whammy. Not only have they just found out that their husband has been cheating on them, they have also discovered that their husband has been cheating on them or having an affair with one of his friends. This may seem like a betrayal multiplied because two people you cared for did it behind your back this way. It is very common for wives to say that they imagine both laughing at her or feeling sorry for her behind her back. Because this is so painful, many wives are puzzled as to why their husband would choose one of his girlfriends to cheat on.
I heard a wife say: “of all the women in our city, why the hell did my husband have to choose one of my friends to have an affair? It’s as if he had chosen the woman with whom I had the least I wanted this to be. One of my friends is so pretty, bubbly and gorgeous. My husband knows I feel insecure around this woman. He knows that even though my friend and I are very close, I am somewhat jealous of her. In short , This is the worst woman he could have chosen, in terms of how much he would hurt me. I just don’t understand him because now he’s saying that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. But I can’t believe this. Because by choosing her, he has the security that I will hurt myself the most. Why do men choose to cheat on their wife’s friends? I will try to address these concerns in the next article.
Often, there is no real intrigue involved. Although they will tell you “it just happened”, it is often a matter of proximity: Husbands often claim that they never intended to cheat on one of their wife’s friends. And sometimes, this is true. Often the husband has spent a lot of time with the friend and therefore feels comfortable with her. As a result, things don’t feel so inappropriate when they start joking around or starting to develop a closer friendship. And this friendship is usually possible due to the proximity between them. In other words, this is not a person your husband would rarely see. This is not a random or chance encounter with a stranger. It’s probably someone he considers a friend because you consider him a friend. And then things get out of hand or become inappropriate. Believe me when I say that I am not trying to excuse the husband or friend. There is no excuse as far as I am concerned. But I am trying to put this in context for you.
Sometimes the “friend” will chase the husband because of silly games: It is not at all strange that a supposed friend goes after her friend’s husband. Some women are simply very competitive with other women. They don’t feel complete until they think they are the most beautiful, attractive, and powerful woman in their group of friends. And sometimes when such a woman sees another woman’s husband, she focuses on him as something she must conquer in order to feel superior to her friend. Is this evil, immature and psychologically unhealthy? Absolutely. But, unfortunately, it happens sometimes with some particularly malicious women. Does this excuse the husband for his part in this? Absolutely not. He could have said no. But knowing that he was not the aggressor can also put this in perspective.
Some men try to hurt their wives by cheating on their friends: I can’t tell you that men never cheat on their wife’s friends as a way to get back at her or as a way to hurt her. This happens sometimes. But usually, you will know that this was your intention from the beginning because you literally want to get caught. This was not the case here. Also, when you catch him or confront him, he will almost enjoy the whole situation. Not only that, but her marriage will generally be quite volatile in the days, months, or weeks leading up to the infidelity, so that the husband looks for a way to really hurt her or have an impact. He’s often trying to show you that if you don’t appreciate or see value in him, then someone whose opinion you seem to value feels different. Again, that was not the case here. But I brought up this possibility to let you know that some husbands specifically chose the other woman because he knows she is the one who is going to hurt you the most.
In short, there are several reasons why a man will choose to cheat on one of his wife’s friends. Convenience, familiarity, and mind games are just a few of the reasons. I list these reasons to give you an idea, but I don’t think any of them are valid for cheating. That said, I know of couples who have been able to save their marriages in this situation. It often takes a lot of work and patience. And it often requires the so-called friend to be permanently out of the picture.