It’s common to be afraid of getting divorced when there’s so much information out there that, well, it’s just scary. It’s like coming to the edge of a cliff and being afraid to jump. Fortunately, most if not all of this “information” is simply not true. You could call it pure myth.

Some of the more common myths I’ve heard include:

I’ll have to get a second job just to pay alimony.
A judge will force me to return to work.
I will never see my children.
I am being “selfish” by not thinking about what the divorce will do to my children.
I will lose all rights to my home if I move.
If I hire a lawyer, my spouse will think I want to “fight” and it will cost me money I don’t have.
What you may not know is that there are a number of things you can do to gain a greater sense of control over how your problems will be resolved.

First of all, hire a good attorney who focuses on divorce and family law. In my opinion, hiring the right attorney is one of the most important decisions you can make when starting the divorce process. It’s an investment that will pay off en masse.

For example, a skilled attorney can develop a relationship with your spouse’s attorney and work with him or her to gather the information he or she needs to negotiate a successful parenting and financial agreement, which means he or she could prevent the court from making the decisions that matter most to you. In addition to having greater predictability and control, you can save the time and expense, both financial and emotional, of being dragged through long, acrimonious litigation.

Second, invest the time to consult with a certified accountant, certified financial planner, and perhaps a family counselor for any custody or parenting time issues. These professionals can provide you with a broader range of options to work with in terms of establishing a mutually acceptable parenting schedule; how much alimony you can afford and how to best take advantage of tax benefits; or how you can maximize short-term cash flow or save for retirement. The benefits are immeasurable. Then, have your attorney work with these other professionals to strategize the best options for you in resolving your issues with your spouse. The more options you see available to you, the more confident and less scared you will be.

Where do these myths come from anyway? Many tell me that they hear them from so-called well-intentioned relatives, friends, colleagues, friends of friends, neighbors, etc. Ironically, you will discover that the people spreading these myths have never been divorced!

In short, it’s best to avoid believing the toxic myths out there. In fact, don’t even listen. Instead, he partners with friends and family who support him as he transitions through the divorce process. These people can help you recognize that his situation is unique and that the decisions you make to resolve the issues of your divorce are yours alone.