It’s only natural to eventually not have much to say to your cheating spouse. Well let me clear that up. Many of us have a lot to say when we find out about the hoax. And most of us say a lot (or yell a lot) as soon as the cat is out of the bag. And we keep saying it. And then say it some more. But after a while, we argued a bit. And once we have our say, our spouse might try to defend or justify his infidelity, something most of us definitely don’t want to hear. And so we want all the talking to just stop, especially when we don’t have much to say to him anyway, at least at the time.

So it’s natural to resort to the silent treatment. However, not all husbands take it well or just accept it. Many will tell you that all your refusal to have a conversation is making things worse. They may try to make you angry or try to get you to talk to them. And this may cause some wives to question their strategy. Someone might explain, “I wouldn’t say that my husband and I had a lot of deep conversations after I found out he had been cheating on me. Most of the time, I would yell at him and he would try to dodge every insult I threw at him.” “I think he kept waiting until I calmed down to speak, but it took me a long time. And he keeps trying to speak, but I shut him down. I have no interest in what he has to say. There is no excuse that he will ever allow this to make sense. No there’s nothing he can say to me to soften the blow. So lately when he tries to talk, I just walk out of the room. And he’ll try to get me to talk to him, but I’ll stay silent and just look at him with anger in my eyes. He tells me we have to speak up eventually and that I can’t give him the silent treatment forever. I know I can’t go on like this forever. But right now, it’s working for me. If our kids are around, I’ll make polite requests for his benefit, but I don’t I talk to him about nothing. ng of substance and I don’t want to change this anytime soon. Do I have to stop giving him the silent treatment?”

I don’t think you have to do anything. You have every right to decide what works and what doesn’t work for you right now. After all, if your husband had never cheated on you, none of this would be necessary. He made that decision. You did not do it. And now, you’re just dealing with this mess (that you didn’t create) the best way you can.

That said, I doubt it can (or should) go on like this forever. Since he has children, it’s vital that he be able to talk openly and honestly with her father, even if he’s just talking about them. I’m sure you know that one day, the two of you will have to stop the silent treatment, at least when it comes to children. This is necessary for your well-being and to be effective parents. We often hope that if we just fake things for the kids, then they won’t know something is wrong. But, they capture more than we give them credit for. So whatever happens with the marriage, keep an open mind when it comes to co-parenting. Because presenting a united front as parents is one of the best gifts you can give your child.

But when it comes to talking about your marriage, there is no timetable for this. Sometimes it takes a while before you feel like he’s ready to have meaningful conversations. Eventually, though, you’ll want to. Because even if you don’t want to save your marriage and want to eventually get a divorce, you want to resolve this relationship in a healthy way so that the pain doesn’t linger, or worse, follow you into your next relationship. You deserve to be happy. But it’s hard to do that when you carry the baggage of this bread forever.

And the silent treatment is probably not the most effective strategy for getting rid of pain. Most of us want our husbands to feel pity and remorse, even if we are no longer sure of our marriage. The silent treatment usually makes you feel less sorry, not more. And he can only guess your point of view or your feelings. But all of these things can be saved for later, if needed.

And you may naturally get to the point where you get tired of giving the silent treatment and not having the conversation that you probably need to have moving forward. But I certainly don’t think you have to force yourself to speak if you’re not ready. I don’t think you have to rush. To keep her husband from putting pressure on her, I suggest something like, “I realize we’ll need to talk eventually, but I’m not ready for that just yet. And I ask that you respect that. I’m more than willing to discuss things that need to be discussed.” regarding the kids. But I’m not ready to talk about the affair or our marriage yet. I know eventually we’ll need to have those conversations. But now isn’t that time, at least not for me. I’ll let you know when I’m ready. But now myself, I only ask that you respect my wishes.”

You probably know when the time is right. One of the first things you learn during this process is that no one else can, or should, make these decisions for you. The judgments of others really shouldn’t matter. This is your Life. And your rhythm. So you can decide when you are ready to move on to the next step.