Sexuality is a gift that is designed to bring us intense pleasure and sweet intimate contact with another. However, in our stress-filled society, sexuality can be fraught with anxiety, frustration, and our own private sense of shame and inadequacy.

• You feel romantic, sensual, affectionate and erotic. Your partner is obviously in the mood. Your conscious mind, your prefrontal cortex, is telling you to relax and enjoy yourself. But something is wrong. Your body doesn’t seem to respond. You don’t feel excited.
• You have connected with your partner. They hug, touch and caress each other. You feel so comfortable kissing and snuggling. Your partner takes you by the hand to lead you into the bedroom and your body seems to instantly shut down.
• You have reached the bedroom. Your partner looks so sexy. You’ve been thinking about this moment for hours. Finally, the time has come. All you can think about is making an excuse not to have to deal with the embarrassment of not maintaining an erection (male) or being too dry and tight for penetration to occur (female).
• You have been with your partner for an hour. You have touched, kissed, and enjoyed sexual intimacy. But now, you either pretend to have an orgasm or you make a lame excuse about how wonderful it was, but you’re so tired.

If any of the situations above sound familiar, you are not alone. When that little blue pill arrived, millions of men acknowledged having erection difficulties. Some got these pills from their doctors. Others found sources online. Some told their partners; others don’t. And then scientists at big drug companies began feverishly working to create a little pink pill in hopes of developing a huge female market to overcome “female sexual dysfunction.”

The real issue is the way we view normal sexual functioning as a problem. As men age, they need more manual stimulation to get aroused, maintain arousal, and trigger release. As women age and their hormone levels fluctuate, their vaginal tissues lose elasticity and tone, and the vaginal walls become thinner and more vulnerable to tearing and pain.

Medical conditions, such as diabetes and multiple sclerosis, can reduce arousal and actually damage the nerves that control orgasm. Hypertension, heart disease, and chronic arthritis can certainly limit the sense of freedom and pleasure involved in sex.

Prescription drugs, alcohol, and some of the illegal recreational drugs are known to reduce libido and interfere with healthy sexual functioning. Even some mild pain relievers, antidepressants, and anxiolytics can have an anti-sexual side effect.

And finally, stress alone, without any of the other factors, can reduce libido, block arousal, and interfere with orgasmic release. Relationship stress or external factors that have nothing to do with the relationship (eg work, family, finances) can wreak havoc on hormonal balance and neuromuscular tension.

What can you do now to avoid or eliminate these potential sexual problems?

• Communication, communication, communication: with your partner, with a sex therapist.
• Relax, release and release neuromusular tension, with massage, Jacuzzi, deep breathing
• Fantasize, focus on your fantasy and let your conscious mind take a vacation
• Use a lubricant, sex toys, or even products to enhance sexual arousal.
• Practice Kegel exercises, flexibility exercises, contact exercises, and love exercises.
• Discover your unique sexual arousal pattern, your love map and practice it
• See a urologist or gynecologist for a complete checkup and evaluation.