Relationships aren’t always seen as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of ​​marriage. If you are that woman, you know that you have invested a great deal of time and emotional energy in the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal isn’t in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear that he’s not interested in marriage, your jaw drops. Before she throws in the towel and walks away from everything they’ve built, she needs some answers. Understanding why you are not attracted to marriage can help you overcome the problem and move things in a more positive direction in the relationship.

Think about your reasons for not wanting to get married.

Obviously, at this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the subject of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood, you have pressured your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations come from. Every man is unique, which means his reason for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. In general, there are several common threads that seem to work in relationships where the man is in no hurry to get married.

One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is that they feel they will lose their own identity when they become “husbands.” Instead of being a single, self-sufficient man, they suddenly become one half of a couple who are together forever. For most women, this sounds like a dream come true, but for a man who isn’t feeling emotionally mature, this can be a very scary proposition. He not only sees his own identity taken away, but he feels that his role, from the wedding day on, is simply to please his wife.

Other men won’t get down on their knees to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect weighs heavily on their minds. Men want to be seen as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he won’t want to take any steps toward commitment. It is also likely that he will not reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think badly of him. For a man, the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every way.

Devote your energy to help him overcome his resistance

There is something to be said about not pushing a man into commitment, but there are obvious exceptions that every woman should be aware of. If you think your boyfriend would love to get married, but he has some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, then you can start working on helping him overcome them.

You don’t want to sit down with a man you think is struggling financially so you can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It helps if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is for you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been lifted off his shoulders, in a very subtle way on your part, that can bring him closer to a proposal.

You can also persuade your man to see the gains he will gain from being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he will suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single friends, this can be a little more challenging, but never see it as impossible.

Just start by mentioning how important you think it is for couples to always have their own interests. She might even mention the example of a married friend of hers. She talks about how she thinks it’s great that she and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart visiting those friends.

If your boyfriend feels that your attitude after you get married will be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he will be more inclined to view marriage in a much more positive light.

Be realistic about the future of your relationship

Even if you’ve determined why you think your boyfriend is hesitant to commit and have been working to get him to get over his reservations, there’s still a chance he might refuse to marry you.

If this is the case, it’s important to look within yourself to decide if endlessly waiting is the right thing to do for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this deep connection is important to you and your boyfriend continues to resist it, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to reconsider your future.

You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deciding factor in your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that the two of you get married, share it with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really need to consider whether such a partner is really the best option after all.