Like most of you, I have never been advised to “stay home” and the term “social distancing” was not part of my vernacular. But the Coronavirus (COVID-19) has changed all that, and many of our loved ones, especially our elders or those with compromised immune systems, are in danger.
How are we going to celebrate their lives if they succumb to the virus in the coming days, weeks and months? How are we going to honor those who will pass away from natural causes, or sadly, from tragedy in these times when it is not possible to gather? The populations that are likely to die in higher proportions will be the elderly. Therefore, people who would have attended the funeral or celebration of life will also be 60 years of age or older. The elderly population with underlying health conditions is more susceptible to this virus. Clearly the last thing we need is to band together and put people at risk. At the same time, surrounding each other is exactly what we need in times of pain. It is crucial to give ourselves, as well as the family and friends of the deceased, a time and a place to grieve. Experts say that this virus can exist for months. Where is the best place to do this to ensure everyone’s safety? The answer is virtually on your phone, tablet, or computer.
As we have seen in Italy, the celebrations can happen by coordination, and suddenly everyone opens their windows and sings at the same time. A virtual funeral can be organized in the same way. As with planning a typical funeral, you’ll want to let people know the date your celebration of life will take place through a standard newspaper obituary, Facebook ad, email, text messages, etc. text, phone calls and even handwritten invitations. .
Family and friends will find an added benefit that having a virtual funeral will take the rush out of making plane reservations, hotel reservations, and spending a lot of money that you probably didn’t have in your budget. If you have commitments prior to the time of the virtual funeral, almost all platforms allow you to record it and share the link to watch it later.
If you think you may lose a loved one soon, why not make the most of your time at home? Why not go through our boxes of old photos and go through all those images on our computers and phones? Scanning your loved one’s photos, adding images of your favorite memories, and downloading your favorite music will not only personalize the event, but can also add much-needed warmth during times of loss.
You can also familiarize yourself with the many platforms you might be using to virtually bring your loved ones together, such as zoom.us, Google Hangouts, Facebook Live, Skype, and YouTube Live.
There is a lot to do when planning a funeral and planning a virtual one is no different. The following checklist will give you a head start. If you think you may need to host a virtual funeral, here are some things you can do to get started:
YOUR VIRTUAL FUNERAL GUIDE
• Try several platforms with a friend to see which one they prefer. I recommend zoom.us. If you’re not familiar with video conferencing, you’ll want to go to their website’s zoom website and click on meetings and watch the video that shows how it works.
• Start collecting email addresses and phone numbers of friends and family members who may want to attend the funeral. Sending a text message with the link to the service is also an option.
• Gather photos, and if they’re not digital, you’ll want to start scanning or taking photos of the photos and storing them in a folder. When the time comes, you can also ask your friends and family to share their photos.
• Plan to have a Power Point presentation of the photos. You can ask a friend or family member to help you with the PowerPoint presentation if you are not familiar with the program. The zoom.com video conferencing system allows you to post a power point presentation, videos, photos or any file from your computer.
• Prepare a music playlist of your loved one’s favorite songs. Consider having a musician or singer present.
• Plan to put together a keepsake chart of items that were important to the person (I’d like a pickle stick and a box or two of See candy on my table). The table can be in the background of the screen and be shown in a photo that is displayed in the Power Point presentation.
• It’s important to allow attendees to tune in so they can share their memories live during the event or in advance. You will want to capture those memories and archive them. Most platforms allow attendees to post memories they’d like to share.
• Think about who you would like to be in your small group. These would be friends and family who would be giving compliments and maybe a musician or vocalist. Keep in mind that you’ll want to socially distance, so keep the group very small (limit 10 attendees at this time).
• Do you have a quiet room uninterrupted by barking dogs or crying children where you could hold the service? A funeral home may still be the ideal place to meet. Many funeral directors are familiar with technology that allows people to view the service without being present, so check with funeral homes when making arrangements.
• Plan to have a printed service order that you can share before the service and display behind you at the service.
• The most important thing is to have a test before the service, maybe even the day before, so that people can become familiar with the technology before the service. At the drill, you could have a virtual toast online where everyone comes together for a glass of the departed’s favorite beverage the night before the service to help everyone get their phone, tablet or computer ready.
• Plan to record the service and share it with everyone so they don’t panic because they missed it. Computers can shut down, the internet can fail, and batteries can die, so registering for service is a must.
• Pay attention to the sound. Some of your audience may be hard of hearing, so be sure to test the microphone and make sure everyone speaking can be understood.
If you think you may be invited to attend a virtual funeral, here’s how you can prepare. If you are not technologically savvy, now would be a good time to ask someone who is.
• Download the application that the host has chosen well in advance.
• If you have an outdated desktop computer, you’ll want access to a computer, camera, or tablet with a camera and microphone.
• Go through your photo albums and your phone to collect your favorite photos of the deceased so you can share them with the host.
• Spread the word about the service to friends of the deceased and offer to help over the phone to get your electronic device up and running in time for the service.
As with in-person funerals, where a favor or token of remembrance is offered, it would also be nice to send attendees something to keep the memory of the deceased alive. It is always comforting to have something to physically touch in memory of those who are no longer with us. A seedling with a personalized note inviting people to plant the tree to remember the departed would be a nice touch and great for our environment. A personalized plantable butterfly bookmark would also give them something to hold on to and remind them that their friend or family member would also be a good fit. You can find both products in Next Generation Memorials.
This virus is forever changing the way we socialize, shop, learn, work, and receive healthcare. Will this pandemic change the way we celebrate the lives of the departed? Absolutely. The bottom line is, prepare now so you’re not stressed with the details of putting something together when you’re emotionally drained from the loss.