Sometimes I hear from people who are desperately trying to find legitimate reasons why they are not having an affair.

Sometimes this request comes from the “other woman” or the “other man” in an affair. It’s understandable that no one wants to be seen as a homewrecker and no one wants to think that they ruined a decent and loving marriage.

You might hear a comment like, “I knew the man I’ve been having an affair with is married. But I also know his marriage is dead. I know they never have sex and I know his wife doesn’t love him and gives it to him.” I know he’s repeatedly asked her for a divorce, which she refuses. Honestly, their marriage is in name only. That’s not to say I don’t feel guilty about being in a relationship with a married man, but I really don’t. I see this as a full-fledged affair. I really don’t. Because I firmly believe their marriage is in name only. Is it still an affair when the marriage is just a formality at this point?”

I’ll tell you my thoughts on this a little later, but before I do, I’d like to say that sometimes this worry comes from the cheating spouse. They often feel somewhat justified in their cheating because the marriage is not completely satisfying and they no longer feel involved or committed to the marriage.

You might hear something like, “My wife and I haven’t really been in love for the last five years. We still have sex from time to time, but it doesn’t make sense to either of us. It’s certainly not good or exciting sex. My wife probably knows that I’m only staying in the marriage for my kids and the money. It’s not a real marriage. And that’s why I feel like what I’m doing isn’t really cheating. I really love the other woman. . I’d like to create a future with her. So cheating is really that horrible if your marriage is dead and there’s nothing left?”

Before I answer, I have to tell you that I am just giving you the opinion of a non-objective wife who has been cheated on. So, to be fair, if she’s looking for an excuse to cheat, she won’t find it in this article. I’m not trying to imply that people who cheat are horrible people or that they deliberately set out to destroy marriages or hurt other people. Because I really don’t believe this in most cases.

However, with that said, I don’t think it’s okay to cheat or have an affair. I understand that your marriage may be horrible and unfulfilling. I understand that you may feel like there really is nothing left. I understand that you may feel that the other person is your soulmate or the perfect person for you and that this opportunity may not present itself again.

But here’s something you may not know or may not have considered. Almost always, if you were to ask the faithful wife if she felt betrayed, even considering the state of her marriage, she would say that she did. She wouldn’t tell you that she felt her marriage was dead. She is more likely to tell him that she knew she was in trouble, but she didn’t expect her husband to cheat on her. And, there are two versions of every marriage. Very often, the faithful spouse does not see things the same way as the cheating spouse.

And that’s one reason why I never see any justification for cheating within a marriage. If things are that bad in your marriage, then the way I see it, you have a couple of options. You can fix your marriage. Or you can leave it. But once you get out of that and have a relationship with someone else, that’s cheating. And it’s wrong. I think you can even tell your spouse that you have temptations and that your marriage needs immediate attention. This can hurt your spouse. But being honest in this way offers much more integrity than going behind your spouse’s back and cheating on them.

I would like to make another point if you are the other person in the relationship, you are in a relationship with someone who is married and you are reading this article. I do not say this to hurt, but it is very common for the married person to indicate that her marriage is not active when this description is not completely accurate. Of course they are going to say this to make the act of cheating easier for both of them. If a married man told you that his wife teases him sometimes, but two weeks ago they went away for the weekend and had sex and have been trying to restore their marriage, would you still want to cheat? Probably not. That is why a married person often paints a not-so-flattering portrait of her marriage to make the process easier for both of them, even if the picture she is painting is not reality.

Sometimes, however, the spouse is telling you the truth. His marriage is no longer passionate or satisfying. But this is a problem that you probably need to solve before starting a relationship with another person. Otherwise, he is misleading everyone involved.

So my answer to this question would be that a married person having sex with someone other than their spouse is infidelity or an affair. It’s really that simple for me. But this is just my opinion and I understand that some may disagree.