Have you ever wondered why some people seem to make new friends so easily, while others find it so difficult to build successful relationships with new people?
Researchers studying relationships have found that a big difference between people who make new friends easily and those who don’t is that socially successful people tend to make eye contact with their conversation partners much more frequently than those who have less. social success. .
Many shy people never make eye contact. When talking to others, people who are socially unsuccessful and who have a hard time making new friends are more likely to stare at the ground or look away. They will rarely look at the face of the person they are talking to.
If you’ve been less successful at making friends than you’d like, you can be much more successful socially by making this simple change in your behavior.
Most Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer to have a lot of eye contact when talking to someone. When a person doesn’t make eye contact with them, Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something. The very phrase “cunning eyes” connotes a person whose eyes dart across the room, implying that they are not trustworthy.
When you’re having a conversation with someone and you want to leave a friendly impression, make sure you keep looking at that person often while you’re talking. You don’t need to use a penetrating look, a friendly look will suffice.
If looking directly into another person’s eyes really bothers you, you can look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes. If you’re usually looking at the brow area or the bridge of the nose, this is close enough to the eye region to make it look like you’re looking into the person’s eyes. You may find that it eases your own discomfort if you let your vision blur a bit.
Whenever you’re having a conversation with someone, keep most of your attention on the other person. If you look around the room too much or look at other people too often, your conversation partner may assume you’re bored or looking for someone else you’d rather talk to.
If you have a hard time knowing exactly how to make eye contact, you may benefit from practicing in front of a mirror or practicing with another person.
However, don’t stare at other people too intensely! A very intense and unblinking look can make your interlocutors feel very uncomfortable.
You can lighten the impression you’re making by smiling more often, nodding your head, and looking at the whole face as well as the eyes. In addition, you can often look away for brief periods.
When people feel like you’re really paying attention and enjoying talking to them, they’re much more likely to want to chat with you!