Sometimes, I get emails from confused wives asking me things like, “My husband says he wants a divorce. How do I know he’s really serious, really wants a divorce, or is he just playing his mind or trying to take the lead?” The honest answer to this question is that there is really no way you can know the definitive answer to this question, at least not with 100% certainty. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to read her husband’s mind, and even if he could, sometimes people won’t admit the truth, even to themselves.
That’s the bad new. The good news is that having her husband tell you that she wants or plans to divorce gives you a little advantage that many wives don’t have. I can’t tell you how many wives contact me when they’ve already received their divorce papers or who have ignored early divorce discussions and now regret doing so. So, you have that early notice that many never get. I’ll discuss how to best handle this wake-up call in the next article.
Whether saying you want a divorce is a mind game or not, take it seriously: Many women will tell me, “I feel like all this talk about divorce is meant to get my attention or push me back on some issue we’re fighting about.” Of course it is. If her husband hadn’t minded bringing her attention or getting any reaction or response, she would have simply served you the divorce papers instead of contacting you about it beforehand. This may not seem like a courtesy or advantage to you right now, but I can assure you that it is.
Many times, this conversation is the last effort the husband will make, often in the hope of bringing about some change or a positive reaction. In essence, he is trying to get an idea to see if you are willing to fight for the marriage or if you are going to keep denying that something is seriously wrong or if you are going to continue with the negative status quo.
Sure, you may be playing mind games or trying to get the upper hand, but catching your bluff is never the best idea. Doing this will only ensure that you distance yourself further from each other, get more frustrated, and have to keep making bigger saves to make an impact. Eventually, this will reach the point of no return where it will be very difficult for your marriage to recover.
So while you may want to tell your husband to stop talking about divorce, don’t. See this for the notice and the wake-up call it is. She is crying out for your attention. Give it to him. Take this seriously. Sit down and talk calmly about this so it doesn’t escalate. If he does, it can help prevent a lot more damage and pain.
How to handle it when you say you want a divorce: Regardless of what has happened in the past, today is a new day. You have the power to change the outcome of this with your actions and you must believe this to be true. But, you’re not going to get there if you’re digging in your heels and feeling outraged. Right now, being “right” is less important than being happily married.
Winning the argument or “not giving him the satisfaction” of seeing his concern may feel good in the short term, but having a genuinely close and loving marriage feels so much better. Resist the urge to raise your hands and argue, debate, or confront. Don’t challenge your husband or tell him that he is wrong. He’s not going to react the way you ultimately want him to if you do this. You are much better off validating his feelings and showing concern for him. Now, you may feel that you are being asked to make all the concessions or to “give in” to him. It may feel like this initially. But, try not to think of it this way. Try to think about giving a little, but potentially receiving a lot in return.
It is best to accept that you are not satisfied with marriage either and that you deeply regret it. Tell him that no matter how it ultimately turns out, you would like to improve your relationship. Tell him that it’s important enough to you that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to part on good terms or to save the marriage, whichever it turns out to be. It’s important that you don’t come across as desperate or genuine. And it’s important that he doesn’t think that you’re just trying to make these concessions because you’re playing and you want a particular result.
Moving it closer instead of further away: If you want to save your marriage, you need to know that it won’t happen overnight. However, you can take advantage of positive daily interactions. Your real goal is simply to interact each time in a positive rather than a negative way. Because every positive interaction is like money in the bank. Each will build on himself until he wants to see more of you and wants to make his own allowances. This is truly the only way to get two people who are willing to work together to achieve a common goal.
Ultimately, you want to show your husband that the woman he fell in love with, the one who listened to his concerns and valued his happiness, is willing to listen and work with him until they are both happy and satisfied. once were.