Today I made my son lick his brother’s feet. If you’re wondering what insanity has taken hold of me, well, I’ll explain.

I discovered many years ago that if I could use the distraction method combined with cause and effect, it brought laughter to the situation, but also recognized that the behavior was unacceptable and the punishment appropriate (in general). As a mother of four, I have had many years to learn a few tricks.

My 9 and 11 year old boys had been running around and having fun until Ash upset Sabian by taking some of the money they had been saving together for iPads. Ash, the 9-year-old boy, ran away with Sabian in pursuit, armed with a rubber snake. Ash, finally cornered, was “branded” on the thigh with the rubber snake’s whip. Ash came running towards me, tears streaming down his little face. An enraged red welt proved Sabian’s crime.

“Sabian, come here right now!”

Now Sabian would have been waiting for the usual response from me regarding his behavior … you know which one. The talk about how physical violence is unacceptable behavior and how I’m going to take away a privilege.

Objective no.

Why do this when it never works? It doesn’t stop the behavior, it doesn’t change anything. It only makes Sabian more resentful of Ash, as he feels that Ash deserved to be beaten, spanked, beaten, pinched, beaten, or pulled by his hair. Grrr would be my usual answer but it doesn’t accomplish anything.

“Ash, did you wash your feet today?”

“Yes”

“Oh well, they’ll have to. Sabian, lick your brother’s feet.”

This made both of them stand at attention. I continued …

“You hurt Ash so you have to lick his feet. This is the consequence of your actions.”

I assumed that Sabian had played dirty, so the punishment had to fit the crime.

They were both laughing (Ash through tears). Sabian licked Ash’s feet, which by the way, Ash was very happy to introduce. So I asked him …

“Are you feeling better now, Ash?”

“No”

“Would you like Sabian to lick the other foot?”

This caused more laughter. And another lick.

It’s amazing how a few simple changes can make a difference in the degree of difficulty and frustration we experience when faced with life’s challenges. These challenges are just that: “challenges.” Sometimes we label them as problems, difficulties, injustice, and bad luck. But, seriously? Is that why we face these challenges? Is it possible that challenges are sometimes presented simply to direct us to a better way to approach a situation?

If we stop long enough to realize that we keep experiencing the same challenges over and over and over again, and ask why, we might realize something so simple yet so profound. It’s not really about …

‘WHY does this keep happening to me?’

It’s about ‘WHY haven’t I changed the way I face the challenge?’

Why do these same life challenges keep coming up? Is it possible that we haven’t learned our lesson yet?

I’d like to tell you that this solved my boys’ fighting problem. Of course, no! But later in the evening, when another incident occurred, I used this same method and it made me laugh again. They had just enjoyed the effects of a huge flare bomb and now it was burning on the ground. I suggested they turn it off by urinating on it. This firefighting method always attracts children. As he put out the fire, Sabian realized that a stream of urine was heading towards him. Ash took another hit.

Sabian rushed in. I followed him a minute later.

“Sabian, did you wash the foot that Ash peed on?”

“Yes.”

“Oh well, it will have to be enough. Ash has to lick your foot to pee on you.” This caused a lot of laughter until I announced the next part of the punishment.

“Oh and Sabian, you have to lick Ash’s foot for hitting him and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t washed his feet yet.”

Needless to say, they called it true!

I was recently talking to a friend about some challenges she was experiencing. He had heard about challenges for years. Nothing has changed. I just said, ‘So why do you keep dealing with the challenge the same way every time if nothing changes? If it didn’t work the first or the second time or every other time, STOP! STOP doing the same thing over and over again hoping something will change.

“Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein was a very wise man. I’m sure you would have enjoyed my unorthodox methods.

Then my friend and I discussed some strategies. Some of these were used that night and my friend reported some changes.

Many people will read this article and say “I knew it”. Much of what I have learned and discovered through life’s challenges is just plain logical. But it is very important to remember what we already know or wish we had known.

So the next time the same challenge keeps coming up in our lives, it helps to stop and ask if we should STOP! STOP repeating the same reaction to the challenge. If it didn’t work so far, it probably never will. The challenge is in our thinking.

The decision of my conscience to change my mind has reminded me that I must unearth all those life lessons that I have learned and begin to put them back into practice. Personally, I’ve spent a lot of time so far getting bogged down in seeing life’s challenges as problems. Once I stopped reacting to them the same way over and over and over again and getting the same, ineffective results, I finally moved to a different space.

“Why be you when you could be new?” (from the animated movie ‘Robots’)

It’s not so much about stopping being yourself in order to be successful in life. It is about being a new improved version of yourself, drawing on life lessons already learned or new life lessons in the quest to find new ways of facing challenges and new ways of looking at those challenges. I see myself as a success story because I have finally learned to apply what I already knew in my life. I have participated in two intensive self-development programs. Both were beneficial, but I quickly forgot to continue applying what I learned. If you don’t practice a skill regularly, you lose it to some degree.

My nephew, who also participated in a self-development forum, used a new skill on a bully. He had been harassed by this bully for some time. Every morning the bully would grab my nephew’s school bag and throw it on the road while he waited for the school bus to arrive. Usually my nephew got angry. After returning from Melbourne where he had participated in the program, he decided to stop reacting in the same way that he had always done it and to apply a new method that he had learned in the forum.

“Thank you for paying so much attention to me.”

That was all he said. The bully was shocked. He didn’t know how to react, so he said nothing and never threw away my nephew’s bag again. Instead, they became friends. It’s funny how things can change so drastically with just a simple adjustment to strategy.

Now I am committed to regularly reading and listening to positive material that will help me in my new way of life. I have seen the benefits in no time. Some of these changes have been instantaneous … CAUSE AND EFFECT. I’m so glad I didn’t have to lick someone’s dirty feet to figure it out. As a result of this change in my patterns of thoughts and actions, I feel happier. I am optimistic and my children are definitely benefiting from these changes. I’m abandoning the old ways that didn’t work for me the first time, the second time, and every time after that. I am ready to finally reach my full potential. I am giving up my resentment towards people who have hurt me because I have decided to regain my power. I am finally in control of my own happiness.

And you? What areas of your life need to change so that you can get off the merry-go-round and get nowhere quickly?

Tash Majenta 🙂